Sometimes being unbelievably creepy has its benefits. Okay, rarely. But the point is, it totally does. That’s how I’ve gotten to meet some really cool people. People who have nicer names for me than “stalker”, even though if it were a normal person I would totally be arrested. I’m of course talking about celebrities.

There are many, many tricks to the trade. One doesn’t become a successful creep overnight. Anyone can be creepy and a failure. Some of us have a gift. That being said, each celebrity is different. Depending on how famous they are, their security might not let you get close to them. Or, they’ll be escorted right to you. The most important skill is patience, followed by thinking quickly on your feet. Being charming doesn’t hurt either.

People I’ve successfully stalked:
Sarah Palin
Michael Buble
Kristin Chenoweth
Roger Bart (the kindest, funniest guy you’ll meet. He spent 20 minutes with me in an alleyway in below freezing weather.)
Bebe Neuwirth
Jackie Hoffman
Kevin Chamberlin
Foster the People
Condaleeza Rice
Rick Perry
The violinist from Celtic Woman

People who are freaking ninjas/didn’t stop for me:
The rest of Celtic Woman
The Kooks
Nathan Lane
And of course, last night, Adam Young.

The preteen who drove four hours to meet him was waiting with her mom. She was not happy. Luckily, a photographer from the Times was there to photograph the moment.

Here’s my list of people that I’m going to stalk in the future:
Idina Menzel
Tina Fey
Amy Poehler
Maya Rudolph
Kristen Wiig
Jennifer Lawrence
Natalie Portman
Audrey Hepburn’s Ghost
Elizabeth Taylor’s Ghost
Kerry Butler
Norbert Leo Butz
Bernadette Peters
Patti LuPone (I want her to insult me in person!)
Troian Bellasario
David Beckham
Victoria Beckham
Melanie Chisholm
Emma Bunton
Blue Ivy
Tamar Braxton
Anastasia (she’s totally still alive and living with Dimitri)

And of course there’s all my future husbands:
Zac Efron
Prince Harry
Harry Styles
Chris Evans
Chris Hemsworth
Liam Hemsworth

If you’re reading at this point, please come see me to collect your medal. You’ve earned it. If you wanna hear about what any of the people I’ve met are like, be sure to ask. I’ll talk about any of them. Most of them were total bitches so they’re good stories.

And to take us out is our culture’s anthem.

This entry was published on February 11, 2013 at 5:16 pm. It’s filed under celebrities, theatre and tagged , . Bookmark the permalink. Follow any comments here with the RSS feed for this post.

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