I have never been so busy in my life. So, I thought I’d move from a physical calendar to Google Calendar. After all, there are pretty colors. During this process, a million things have slipped through the cracks. What I’m learning about myself- I literally cannot function as a successful adult without a calendar. My short term memory is completely external. I wouldn’t remember to wake up if my phone didn’t tell me to. I really do forget to leave the house sometimes. Everyone thinks I’m being flaky or lazy but my mind just can’t master having a sense of time. Ask me anything about Wicked that I learned five years ago and I can spout it off, but God forbid I remember it’s my day to do laundry. If we make plans more than a few hours in advance, you better watch me put it in my phone or text me half an hour before or something.
This begs the question, what the heck am I thinking about all the time that I can’t even remember that as a human being I need to eat something more than every few days in order to survive? (<—yeah, I’m ashamed of that run on) I spend way, way too much time thinking about other people and how their lives are going. I wonder how they’re doing, even if I don’t particularly like them. I hear a song on my phone and wonder who the songwriter was thinking of when they wrote it. Then I dedicate it. I have hypothetical conversations that I anticipate having, in an attempt to prevent the stupidity that is everything that comes out of my mouth. Then after having a conversation, I kick myself for the inevitable stupidity that just occurred. I think about the other timelines where I’m still at Baylor or got into DePaul or if I had never discovered theatre and was an aeronautical engineer as planned. Today I thought a lot about 2007 and what a great year it was for me, for music, and for Broadway.
My phone just told me that I have three possible engagements that start in an hour. I think I could get used to being this busy. “Good,” says my future NYC equity stage manager self, “because you don’t even know what busy is yet.”