“What mad Nijinsky wrote
Is true of the normal heart;
For the error bred in the bone
Of each woman and each man
Craves what it cannot have,
Not universal love
But to be loved alone.”
My opinion on the writing of the play The Normal Heart won’t come until after my production is finished. But I do really love the poem that the play gets its name from. It’s not exactly an unheard of notion.
“It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.”
Every type of media available to man has echoed this sentiment. And it’s true. Everyone wants love and marriage. It’s part of our design.
Until recently, I had created a state of numbness for myself. I didn’t particularly want romantic love. I didn’t see it happening until I was close to 30. I wouldn’t say I was happy, but I was at least content with that part of my life. I just wanted friends. I was attracted to people, sure, but it was kind of like crushing on a celebrity. I knew it wasn’t going to happen so it was just admiring from afar.
Around late last November, something stirred. All of a sudden, I needed it. I needed love. It’s like my heart woke up and declared an emergency. There was someone I wanted, and this time I didn’t think of them as having any distance from me. I made myself think it could happen. That’s when everything went terribly wrong.
Anyway, I’ve kind of gone back to the numbness. Maybe no one else is that special to me. Maybe I just got hurt enough to learn my lesson. Maybe I’m meant to be single. But what is true of the normal heart was true of me once. Maybe it will be again.