Looking back to my last show, I don’t think there was a single person on it who didn’t have some burning passion going on at the time. It was Noises Off meets Midsummer Night’s Dream meets Grease meets Gone with the Wind. Nothing was mutual for any of us. We all were throwing everything that we were into our goal, and failing miserably. I desperately wish there was a documentary crew around to capture it. The behind the scenes of that show would have made the greatest film. So much conflict.
Christmas break cut off at the height of the action. The falling action of this semester has been out of left field. I can’t think of a single event this semester that I could have anticipated mid-December.
Some became inseparable. Some said goodbye. Some found someone else. Some never blinked. Some were never the same.
The Lunchables, the platforms, the knowing glances, the curtains, the masks, the smoke breaks, the Powerade, the trips across campus, the Facebook messages, the waiting, the choreography, the kisses, the opinions, the blood packs, the mind-reading, all the restraints…
I don’t think I’m the same person I was at the beginning of that process. I learned a lot about myself. About “the way things go”. About when honesty isn’t enough, and when it’s too much. I learned that no matter how much someone tells you about their life, there are always things they’re not telling you. I’ve never met another person who truly doesn’t enjoy keeping secrets.
I used to say I’d take most of it back. I’m not sure that’s true anymore. Things would be incredibly complicated if I had gotten what I wanted. I would have lost friends. I would have alienated my family. It probably would have been an instant gratification rather than a long-term one but the effects would be forever.
In the end, I know what I’m capable of. I know how far I can push myself physically, mentally, and emotionally. I know when I’m giving too much.
This post has too many lists.
But at least I can go to sleep thanking God that I’m single. Goodbye, December. I am beyond done thinking of you.