Snowmageddon ’13 is upon us. Classes are cancelled. Dress rehearsal is cancelled. I’m more than a little frightened at what this means for tomorrow.
But I’m trying to enjoy today. There were so many amazing things that happened to me over spring break (pre-Sierra) that I haven’t gotten the chance to tell you about yet. I was going to do that today. Buuuuut. Then I heard a certain song. And I knew that it was time for the post I’ve been pondering for a couple of weeks now. It’s time to take a musical journey through what it’s like to have a crush. This is based on my most recent crush because I’ve moved far enough past it to start seeing how funny it was. The titles of the five phases are named after actual playlists I have made over the years. I wish I were joking.
PHASE ONE: BREAK ME OFF A PIECE A DAT
I wish with all of my heart that this wasn’t true. But I heard this song today and I knew I had to share this with the world. Sometimes I am driven to listen to songs about rap stars courting strippers.
It’s a really well-sung song. Joss has a fantastic voice. STOP JUDGING.
Okay. You can judge. We’re already at that point.
PHASE TWO: ALL DA FEELINGS
When I’m in phase two, I’m obsessed with what I can do to make them happy. I’m all about people-pleasing when I like someone.
This is the song I’m currently listening to on repeat. This is what I keep thinking I wanted to do for my most recent. At this point it’s like “well, I tried. See how well it worked out for you with _____?” Is that phase six? Whatever. It’s a phase two song.
I know what I’m feeling, but I don’t know what they’re feeling.
Maybe it’s just a stage manager thing like expecting a confirmation email. But I would like confirmation.
PHASE THREE: WE’RE IN LOVE
Omg, it’s mutual. We’re doing this. It’s gonna happen. I’m gonna pretend to be cool, but I’ll secretly be listening to all of this.
There aren’t enough key changes in the world to describe how happy I am.
I’m obsessed with listening to other people’s heartbeats (yes, I know that’s considered creepy) so the opening line of this resonates with me.
By this point, my pupils have been replaced with little hearts, I’m smiling and humming all the time, and I can’t think about any thing else.
PHASE FOUR: MY LIFE IS OVER
We were moving forward together at an alarming rate, but you got scared and backed out. I didn’t have the words to bring you back. It’s over. I’m gonna go get hit by a bus now.
May…maybe it’s just a fight? Maybe we’ll be okay?
JUST GIMME ONE MORE CHANCE! I’LL CHANGE FOR YOU! #pathetic
WHYYYYYYYY WHYYYY GOD WHYYYYYYYYYYYY
PHASE FIVE: I DON’T NEED NO MAN
I can do this all on my own. I’m a strong independent black woman who don’t need no man.
These playlists usually include this song, and Stronger. Which Stronger? All of them. Britney Spears, Kanye West, Kelly Clarkson. All of them.
SO! That’s a look into my very strange iTunes. None of the good music makes it into these playlists for some reason.
In case you’re about to criticize me for having such bad taste, don’t bother. I’m aware. Here is my attempt to explain my bizarre musical taste. It really doesn’t make any sense. Keep in mind that everything after 2006 has showtunes mixed in.
- • I was raised on Motown, Phil Collins, and Celine Dion.
- • 2003ish we moved somewhere that got Disney Channel and I only listened to the soundtracks and the songs that played during commercial breaks.
- • 2005ish I decided I hated music and didn’t listen to anything.
- • 2006ish I listened to music I thought black people listened to. (Yes, I understand how terrible that is. Now. Back then it was hella fun because I didn’t realize how inaccurate and offensive it was.)
- • Early 2008 I discovered Moulin Rouge and I listened to only that for a few months.
- • Late 2008 I discovered the Spice Girls (in 2008!) and until college, I was exclusively listening to 90s/00s teen pop.
- • 2010-2012 It was all about Ke$ha, Nicki Minaj, and Katy Perry. Top 40 dance songs.
- • And now I’m having a musical identity crisis. Beyonce, Kimbra, Foster the People, Adele, Sara Bareilles, Mariah Carey, Parachute…it’s a mess.
Thanks for reading! Happy snow day!