Y’all, I love the Spice Girls. That’s not a secret. It started out as one, but I’ve come out of the Spice Girls closet. They’re my favorite band and I will shout it from the rooftops until the day I die.
Now everyone assumes they understand the Spice Girls. They’ve heard Wannabe and assume that it’s just a novelty band doing silly pop things.
SHUT YOUR FILTHY WHORE MOUTH.
The real value of the Spice Girls is found within their harmonies. The way they quickly identified their vocal strengths and found inventive ways to weave them together is phenomenal. I have every Spice Girls track ever recorded, including the unreleased ones. There are so many musical treasures in their catalog that people haven’t even bothered to try. It’s what’s wrong with society today. I’m not even going to talk about the hipster ones. I’ll just reference some of their number 1 hits that people don’t remember because they blew them off.
Please note that almost all of their music videos are terrible. They were made in the 90s and no one knew any better so they all look like they were joking. I’m talking about the music, people. That’s where it’s at.
Take their oft-forgotten third single, 2 Become 1. People write it off as their obligatoryslow song. But musically, it’s absolutely beautiful. The low strings are some of my favorite instrumentation of all time. Melanie Brown (Scary) finally gets to show that she’s not just the in-your-face black one who raps. Her lower range really gets a showcase in the chorus. They also released this song in Spanish as Seremos Uno Los Dos which I listen to instead. But here’s the English version.
This is my favorite secular song of all time. It’s catchy, we get 5-part harmony, they let Victoria sing, and Melanie Chisholm (Sporty) gets to rip. To promote their reunion tour, they performed this song at the 2007 Victoria’s Secret Fashion Show. It’s lip-synced but the microphone choreography and costumes more than make up for it. As a bonus, they’re hotter than they were in the 90s.
Right before Geri (Ginger) left the group, they recorded Viva Forever. This isn’t just some throwaway pop song. It’s genuinely moving. We have Mel C soaring over the others and Mel B bringing the rich, lower notes in, with Emma, Victoria, and Geri filling in the middle. The flamenco guitar and violins come together for an unlikely but thoroughly satisfying mix.
We’re not even gonna talk about Geri leaving. It makes me too sad. They started trying to compete with Destiny’s Child and…we’re not gonna go there.
SO. Let’s talk about their solo careers. I love them all to death, but only two of them really stood a chance without the other girls. And it’s definitely not the two you think. It’s Mel C (Sporty) and Emma (Baby).
Music critics have been quoted as referring to Melanie Chisholm as being “the one that can sing”. Her voice is the only one that can stand alone when attempting to conquer something more vocally challenging than the average pop song. Her solo career doesn’t really reflect that so much as the mini-solos she got with the Spice Girls but there’s still plenty to love.
I went through a very specific phase with Emma Bunton. This is one of the coolest music videos I’ve ever seen and this song is just so dang catchy. Also look up “Free Me”, which is a great example of her breathy voice.
But no one, NO ONE can argue that Victoria (Posh) is not the most hilarious of them all. Her sense of humor is so very dry and sophisticated that no one can tell when she’s joking. She had a TV show (that got canceled because people were dying of jealousy) called Victoria Beckham: Coming to America. I saw it once and my sense of humor has never been the same. WATCH IT. There’s only about an hour of it and you won’t be able to stop laughing. Here’s a short clip from it:
I didn’t find out about any of this until around the last performance of their tragically brief reunion in 2008. Look how good they still looked!
The only time I’ve really gotten to revel in the Spice Girls being together was this last year at the London Olympics. Everyone in my vicinity had to get new eardrums because not only would I not shut up about it, but I wouldn’t lower my volume either. I mean COME ON THEY WERE SO GOOD. Their symbols on their cars reminded everyone of how iconic they are. Their outfits fit their personas without being dated to the 90s. It was musical Redbull. I can’t blink or sit still while watching it.
It was definitely one of the major highlights of 2012 for me. Chillbumps and soaring heart violins and all that jazz.
And to all of you saying “but aren’t they old now?’ I present this picture.
Like shut up. If that’s what “old” is, please make me old now.
And Spice World. Spice World was hilarious because they knew how stupid and superficial everyone thought they were. They took that idea and ran with it. They made the jokes incredibly self-referential and played up the pigeon-holes everyone put them in. Not to mention that the soundtrack is my favorite album of theirs. It’s a masterpiece. Go watch it.
In closing, I know way too much about the Spice Girls. I love them way too much. And I have way too much to say about them. There must be a reason for all that. You should go find out for yourself.
Reasons Why Spice World is a Classic
15 Pieces of Spice Girls Memorabilia
The Spice World Drinking Game
Spice Girls We Wished Existed